Some People

Some people deserve to hurt. Some people deserve to die and suffer for everything that they’ve ever done and all the people that they’ve ever hurt. I’m probably one of those people. I know that. I also know that she’ll never be one of those people.

I’ve been hurt a lot in my life. It’s not like I’m particularly special, pain doesn’t just seek me out, I just don’t deal with it as well as other people, I’m sort of weak. Some people can deal really well with it. They bite the bullet and they go through every day knowing that every thing is letting them down, but they’ll get through it. We all get through it I suppose; it’s just different how we go about it all.

Some people are weak. I’m weak, I know I’m weak. People can tell me to do something and if I don’t hate them, I’ll probably do it. Within reason, of course, but still, I’d do it. There aren’t that many people I hate out there, so I guess I’ll get run over heaps in my life. I’ll say I’m fairly lucky in life. A lot of stuff usually goes my way…but not always.

When I was younger…I did some stupid things. Most of the time I did them because my friend said it’d be funny and I’d do anything to please people. The teacher caught us out for it and told us off. I cried, but I remember that what she said was true. I live by that, sort of. If someone told me to jump off a bridge, would I? A saner person would say you definitely wouldn’t. I mean, honestly, it’s jumping off a bridge.

Now though? I probably would. Depending on who it was, I would jump. It wouldn’t be the smartest thing I’ve ever done but it wouldn’t be the most stupid either. People can undermine any power I’ve got simply by telling me to do something. I’m not obedient, don’t get me wrong, if people tell me to do something and I know them well enough, it’s not like I’ll follow without grumbling a little. I’d probably still end up doing it, but I’d at least grumble.

I don’t even know where this is going. I mentioned a she…a she who’s not like other people. She’s special. She makes things better. She could probably read me better than anyone I know too. Is it bad that I don’t trust her enough to tell her everything though?

Alright, I’m sort of tired, and I’m sort of depressed…again. I’m probably going to find that the fastest way to cheer up would be to kill all the people who have ever used me before. That would be one hell of a long and interesting line of dead bodies, though it’d still be ultimately useless.

I should stop. I should probably write something else now. Clear the system sort of thing.