He lay in bed with every intention of dying rather than face the truth that she had actually left. Not just slammed the door and spent the day at a friends place, but emptied the entire apartment of her, lifted up and disappeared. Then again, he hadn’t made much of a move to look for her, possibly because the note had been so blatantly obvious and undeniably truthful. He had lost her and she was never coming back.
Understandably, when someone loses the love of their life, they tend to be distraught and incapable of much other than breathing. But when you lose someone that you’ve given your entire heart to, you tend to make breathing become a chore, or more correctly, something to preoccupy the mind with.
It would have been a lie to say that every breath was torture, because that would be like saying being stabbed in the heart was just a scratch. Breathing for him was something akin to deliberately forcing air into his lungs before expelling once again. That was just his lungs, if you reached further in a little, you’d touch his heart, but it was barely even beating anymore, just enough of a flutter to keep the blood pumping.
And the blood was definitely pumping, he was sane enough to note that every single second he was still alive, his love was probably somewhere else having the time of her life with her ‘new man’. His bland face twisted into a sneer as he turned onto his side, he could think of a million things to do to that ‘new man’ but none of them would ever be realised. She loved him, or at least that’s what she wrote, and he wouldn’t get in the way if it was truly how she felt. But if he ever hurt her, so help her God he would see him writhing in pain and screaming for mercy until he forgot his own name.
Scrunching the piece of paper up in his hand, he glared daggers at the boring walls that surrounded him. Unclenching his fist, he smoothed the note out once again, sighing before he turned back up to stare at the ceiling.
It was getting hot again. He should probably motivate himself enough to turn on the fan before he melted into a pile of mush, but he figured that if he died it would be somewhat of a blessing. Thinking about the reason demise seemed so wonderful; he closed his eyes to remember the beauty in his memory.
It had started in high school. Well, they had met in high school but the group separations that divided people in there were too strong for him to have ever even noticed her as anything except the brainy girl that was too pure and innocent to be anything other than an angel. The only thing that he could say with certainty was that she hadn’t changed despite the years that had passed since graduation before they met again.
They were in a club and through the dim lighting he had noticed an angel dancing, it was only logical for him to try his luck and see if he could get her. Surprisingly she had agreed and the dance was provocative to say the least. As natural with any hot blooded male when presented with a woman that was more than willing, one thing lead to another and they were at his apartment and exploring his bed until dawn. At which point sleep was a necessity and he was eternally grateful that it was only Saturday morning.
He woke up to find her missing and a small note that basically said thankyou for last night and that she hoped she’d see me again some time. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that the only way you could do that when you don’t have a phone number or address was to find her at the club again. This was probably when being the friend of the owner of said club came in handy and being allowed priority entry was perfect for him. The greatest thing about being friends with the club owner was the small viewing area that was hidden behind glass high above everyone else.
The worst thing about that room was that if you ever wanted to get in and it happened to be locked, you had to wait until whoever was inside felt like unlocking it. It was soundproof, the glass was only one way, there was only one exit and he had stood there, waiting for whoever was inside to feel like unlocking the door. So it was one hell of a surprise to have someone grab him and yank him inside.
Just before the door even clicked shut, lips were already attacking his and when his eyes finally adjusted to the extra light from inside he was captured by the beauty before him again. She was practically glowing, but that could have been from the light behind her, whatever it was, that entire evening was spent with her far above the club and high into the heavens. When he woke up, she was in his arms this time, but she was also sleeping on his chest which made escape impossible, not that escape was much of an issue.
Trying to refrain from doing anything drastic to alert her to his current awake state, he looked down and instantly regretted it. If she didn’t look so utterly perfect where she was, he wouldn’t have had any problems, but male as he was, he couldn’t help the surge of pleasure that ran through his body. Hoping she wouldn’t move or wake up or do anything even remotely similar, he tried to think of anything that would take his mind off his current aroused state.
The moment she moaned in her sleep, he knew the cause was lost and endeavoured to wake her in the most pleasurable way possible. That lead to another few hours locked in that room with her and he was never more grateful that the room was so protected. He was grinning madly up at the ceiling and the pride he had had by making her scream was still evident as he watched the white ceiling turn grey as evening descended and another day ended without her by his side.
Closing his eyes he ran through the last two years of his life with her…
When he opened his eyes again, it was already deep into the night and insects and friends were making noises outside. Running a hand through his hair, he reflexively turned towards the other side of the bed, ready to cuddle the woman that he had been thinking about for the last few hours. Touching empty bed tore his heart in two and he turned back to the ceiling, the past month running through his mind.
It was coming up to another anniversary and he had the desire to outrank the romantic evening he had planned they year before. So he started by designing the perfect necklace for her, down to the perfect shade and size of the gem. The next thing was paying his friends to get the necklace together, but he couldn’t idle so he helped them out. He hadn’t meant to neglect her like that, but it took a lot out of him to go from one side of the city to the other and then back home in one day.
Telling her was out of the question, so he said that he had to do some extra work. It wasn’t exactly a lie, though perhaps a twist on the truth, but he figured that when she saw it she’d understand. His friend Eliza had laughed her head off when he had asked her for help, nevertheless she gave him what he needed and he set about making the necklace.
Every night for the entire month and sometimes when he forgot what time it was, he had slept there as well. Whenever he managed to make it home, it was so late that he ended up sleeping on the couch so as to not wake her up. It got to the point where she just left a blanket and pillow on the couch for him and he was grateful for it, though perhaps it was his weariness that made sure he didn’t understand the other meaning in it.
Looking back he was an absolute idiot and what’s more, he hadn’t even slept next to her for at least a month. The necklace came along perfectly though and right on schedule. This meant that on the anniversary, he had come home blissfully happy with himself at having completed it and holding the thin black box in his hand, he was so proud of himself he had whistled all the way up to the apartment.
He glared at the ceiling. It was obvious he had stuffed up the moment he walked into a bare bedroom that was completely wiped of all trace of her. The sheets had been changed, her clothes removed, the bathroom had nothing that even signified she had lived there for one and a half years. He had stared at the black box and wondered what he had done wrong for about an hour before it hit him, though it helped that she had practically spelled it out for him on the note she left.
She had said that they had both found new people, he had been blissfully confused but it didn’t escape his ability to understand that someone as perfect as her had probably left him for someone more worthy. After reading it about ten times, it finally sank in that she had actually left, with another man, and probably permanently. Clutching the box he stood up and endeavoured to give it to her in the only way he knew, through her friends.
Now her friends were a different story, they didn’t openly dislike their relationship, but they weren’t fully supportive either. That seemed to change the moment he knocked on the door to one of her best friends though. One of them opened the door and upon recognising him, settled on glaring daggers at him. As if that wasn’t nerve wrecking enough, she called out and in a moment practically all of them were standing at the door and glaring. Sighing in defeat, he handed the box to them and muttered something about giving it to her since he didn’t know what else to do with it. They took it wordlessly and spoke of throwing it out but he just walked back to his apartment and essentially didn’t do anything. That was almost a day ago, or maybe it was a day and he just didn’t notice the time going by.
Thinking about it, he figured that he must have looked like a joke carrying a note in one hand and a box in the other. But then again he must look stupid now since he hasn’t done anything except lie in bed like a rock with the occasional turn to alleviate muscles from the strain of full body weight.
Dreaming up another memory he was dimly aware that daylight was beginning to seep through the curtains and into the room. It wasn’t until he heard the phone ring that he actually noticed that the sun was in the room already. Technically it was outside his window and making the entire room boiling, but then again he hadn’t eaten in a while so it seemed like it was right in front of him anyway.
It took two more rings before he had managed to shuffle himself into the other room and pick up the phone. The moment he heard a woman’s voice his hopes soared, but the moment he realised it was just Eliza he felt his heart burying further into the earth. So close yet so far from the core.
“So what did she think of the present?” she asked. He stood clueless for a while, unsure of what to say and unwilling to admit that the hard work had been an absolute waste of time.
“HELLO!!” screamed Eliza, breaking him out of his reverie.
“What?” he asked.
“What’d she do?” she asked, her voice quiet, as though preparing for something bad.
“Nothing I suppose,” he replied “well you see, I don’t really know if she…well it’s kind of complicated cause…I’m not sure if she…that is she might not have…and it wasn’t that good a job but…”
Suddenly the receiver was wrenched from his hand and she spoke.
“I loved it. Thankyou for everything you did,” she said. She then proceeded to chat with Eliza as though she had done it all her life.
He looked at her. It was perfect, she was perfect. It was almost like she never left. He wondered if he had finally gone nuts or not and noted that she was wearing the necklace like he had always imagined. He blinked a few times and actually saw that she had hung up a while ago.
Swallowing, he closed his eyes and shook his head before wandering back into his room. Nothing was complicated in there. But she didn’t let him, whatever she was, and he felt a hand touch his arm. Her touch burned deep into his blood and he winced. He forgot what she could do to him and she looked at him carefully.
“Are you going to say anything to me?” she asked, her voice sounded like she was about to cry. He turned around to face her, confusion in his eyes as he tried to think of what she could possibly want from him now.
“Did you leave something behind?” he asked. She closed her eyes and put her arm down.
“No”
“Then why are you here?” he continued, confused and more than a little lost.
“I thought that you might want this back,” she whispered, moving to take the necklace off.
“Why would I? I made it for you and it looks good on you,” he replied, turning back towards the trek to his room.
“You made it for me?” she asked, a little surprised. He felt anger stab through his haze faster than anything else.
“What?” he demanded to the air. “Didn’t you think I was good enough? That I’m not half as perfect as whatever man you have now?! I made it alright? It’s not perfect but it still looks nice on you. I’m sorry if your new man might think it’s not good enough and I even reconsidered giving that trash to you, but I figured that I might as well since I have nothing else to do with it!”
“New man?” she asked, lost for the first time.
“Yes! Your ‘new man’!” he yelled, shoving the forgotten note into her face.
“If you wanted me to say something, then here: have a great life with whoever he is, I hope he makes you damned well happy,” he said, the fire leaving his eyes and the anger leaving his voice, trailing away into sadness. He trudged back into his room, ready to sleep for the next few centuries.
“There is no new man,” she said. It was barely louder than a whisper but he heard it well enough and stopped in his tracks, swinging around instantly ready to let another tirade about ‘new women’ instead. Then he saw her face, she was looking up at him with tears in her eyes and the note in her hands was trembling.
“I thought you were cheating on me,” she explained, a tear escaping and running down her face.
“Why on earth would I cheat on you?” he asked, walking back towards her.
“You never slept in the same bed as me and someone called Eliza called twice while you were sleeping so I figured you didn’t want me anymore,” she muttered, looking down to avoid his gaze.
“I would never cheat on you,” he said, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her on the head softly.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered after a few minutes.
“So am I,” he said, tilting her head up to give her a soft kiss.
“How bout you tell me next time?” he asked, “we can avoid all the heartache.”
She gave a strangled laugh and sniffled, melting against him as she just breathed him in.
“There’s going to be a next time?” she asked tentatively.
“Of course, think of all the anniversaries still to come and then you have birthdays, Christmas and Valentine’s Day”
She laughed and kissed him gently.
“We won’t have any of them if you don’t shower sometime soon,” she whispered.
He laughed, the tension forgotten, and focussed on the feel of her in his arms.
“Love you,” he whispered.
“Love you too,” she said, smiling up at him.
At that precise moment his stomach made its presence known for the first time in the last few days. She quirked her eyebrow at him and he looked decidedly sheepish.
“I wasn’t hungry,” he muttered.
She just laughed and told him to have a shower; the food would be waiting when he came back out. It was the fastest shower he had ever had in his life.
Here's to the christmas that everyone's waiting for...and in celebration of no more exams!!
