The Joys of Making Up (Part 1)

I uhh....added a bit to the end...YES THAT MADE IT NC-17...blame Ray

Title: The Joys of Making Up (Part 1)

Rating: NC-17

Summary: Someone leaves, another one leaves, and then they meet again (though not where most people meet) I supposed you could call it a continuation of Del/Senna. Goldie also told me that I wasn’t allowed to kill Del, so it’s going to have a happier ending. Ray told me to do NC-17 so…I’M SORRY INNOCENT PEOPLE!!...just...skip some parts… (For the sake of the innocent all sections which are blotted out are NC-17…read at your own risk)

Feedback: I want it, you’ve got it. GIMME!

Warnings: it’s FemSlash (f/f) so if you don’t like those pairings, don’t read it. It’s also NC-17 for a reason…that is R 18+ for anyone unfamiliar with US ratings

Two years, three months, two weeks and five days.

Add in about ten hours and twenty-seven minutes and you’d have the amount of time she had been gone.

I picked up my coffee mug which deceptively had no coffee in it and stared at the empty place where coffee was supposed to be. Sometimes life just wasn’t fair. I sighed and stood up, it was late already anyway and I figured I might as well start working.

We had lasted the entirety of uni. That was an entire five years. I guess I was surprised we lasted as long as we did and I suppose I had been expecting to have ended sooner which only served to soften the blow when she left. It wasn’t a simple, I need to go downtown sort of left. It was more of a, I’m going overseas, don’t come with me I want to start anew and I honestly don’t think we’re worth it sort of left.

I mean, she kept in contact with Marie and Erica but the only thing I ever heard from her was a random email about the weather. Then again, that was only once and I haven’t heard from her since.

That led me to moving too. With hugs and teary farewells I moved to a small town pretty much in the middle of nowhere. I am essentially the resident handy-(wo)man and spend my days fixing up the houses around me for fairly low prices. On the side, I’m just a carpenter who makes boxes, cabinets and drawers and sell it out to people that may want it. It’s a limited demand so I make most of it on weekends and spend the rest of the week doing repair jobs around town.

It was a simple life and it was relatively easy but it was work that took my mind off everything and for that I was grateful. The less I thought about Senna, the less it would hurt me wondering who she might be with now. It was while I was working on a specific box that I received a call from a fairly big company that wanted to buy my designs and talk to me about a contract with them.

After a long debate with Jen – and when I say long I mean two month argument – I decided to consider it if they would give me more information. Which was why I was waiting in the only coffee house in the nowhere town I lived for a Mr. Jameson or something along those lines.

When the bell went for another visitor, Zach came in from the back and prepared to serve the customer while I kept reading a new book I’d picked up. It wasn’t until a minute later that I realised that Zach was calling me. Looking up I glanced at him before my eyes landed on the one person I never thought I’d ever see again.

Senna was standing in the coffee shop looking about as shocked as I was and just about as confused.

“Del?” she asked. Her voice was soft and she sounded so surprised that I knew she didn’t even have a clue I was here. For some reason that cut me deep to know that she would never have come here to see me of her own accord.

“What are you doing here?” I asked. I mentally winced at how harsh my voice came out and even Zach seemed to sense the tension in the room and silently left the room.

“I’m here to meet with the carpenter hereabouts. I haven’t really taken my time to read the profile. I was early so I figured I’d have time to sort it out before they came. Until Zach sort of pointed it out that you were it,” she explained. Her face flushed a little when she realised that she had rambled slightly in her attempt to soothe the tone I’d spoken to her in.

“I need to go,” I said shortly. She seemed hurt at my tone but I really couldn’t deal with it right then. I wasn’t over the shock that she was physically near me again, and if I was honest to myself, I didn’t want to risk letting her break my heart again.

Back at my house which doubled as my workspace, I went upstairs to my bedroom and stared at the photo sitting on the side of my bed. I had tried dating other women, two in total, but neither of them had worked out. Mainly because I couldn’t let go of Senna and though one of my exes had a hard time dealing with that, the other seemed to understand and we had become friends. Though in a town as small as this, everyone was a friend and the few that became enemies usually had the entire town on two different sides.

Everyone knew about my bad break up with Hilary and though she couldn’t let go of it, the entire town forgave me and was only civil to her because I had asked them to let me handle it myself. Though I really hadn’t done anything except change my locks and make sure she couldn’t get into my house while I was sleeping at night. That was one bad incident that I would rather forget.

Yet now the woman I had been pining after for the last two year was back again, and for the purpose of discussing my contract and my work. How was I supposed to look her in the eye knowing that she didn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore and yet having no choice because it was her job? Frustrated and annoyed I jumped and landed on my bed with a giant sigh, trying to stave off my frustration by being physically more active.

Staring up at the blank ceiling I decided to work. It was what I usually did when I didn’t want to think, though to be honest I would usually end up thinking about her anyway. For no other reason than because the first box I had ever made was made for her.

Getting off the bed, I changed into my working clothes and tied my hair up properly so that it was out of the way. My clothes were stained from all the times I had worked in them but they were still comfortable and that’s all that really counted to me. It was essentially just a singlet and some fairly thin cotton pants. I didn’t really believe in using machines so most of my work was done by hand. The sanding on the other hand I would settle for using an electric one as well as a drill. Some things were just better done by power tools.

Walking down stairs and then out to the back where my workshop was I didn’t really focus on anything except the designs that I was going to use for the next box that had three buyers. Trying to get the perfect cut or the perfect tint is next to impossible when working with wood. Despite my need to perfect my work, I still couldn’t get her out of my mind and I spent half the time wondering why she had returned.

Finally giving up, I changed back into my slacks and grabbed a cup of hot chocolate. Staring at the little bits of chocolate floating around, I thought back to the fight we had had before she had walked out of my life.

“Del?” asked Senna, her voice full of surprise.

I looked up at her from the book I was reading and waited for her to continue.

“I got accepted,” she said.

It took me a second to fully comprehend what she was talking about, but when I did I couldn’t help the pride smile that broke out on my face. I stood up and hugged her.

“Congrats baby,” I said cheerfully. I kissed her gently and tried to coax her back to me from whatever world she had landed herself in with her thoughts.

“I don’t want to go,” she said nervously. I stared at her.

“Why not?” I asked in disbelief. I pulled away from her and tried to look into her eyes but she kept her head firmly down.

“I…can’t,” she whispered.

“Why?” I lifted her head so that I could meet her eyes and what I saw had me in a panic. There were tear tracks running down her face and her eyes were still watery.

“Baby what’s wrong?” I asked. She dropped the letter in her hands and hugged me tight, her face buried in my shirt.

“I don’t want this to end.” Her muffled explanation confused me and I considered drawing away from her to question her but I knew that she just needed to be held right now. There was time for questions later.

I took her to bed and spent the night just watching over her. She fell into an exhausted sleep around four am and I finally succumbed an hour later.

When morning came she was still lying next to me. I knew she wasn’t asleep for no other reason than because she always woke up earlier than me that and the small circles she was drawing on my arm gave her away.

“Want to talk about it?” I asked. She had been so worried she wouldn’t get the offer that I had done everything to calm her. At this moment it still hadn’t hit me what accepting it would mean for us.

“I don’t want to leave,” she whispered.

“You’re not leaving, you’ve just got a job,” I said perplexed.

“Yes, a job in America,” she muttered wryly. For a moment I was stunned. I had sincerely forgotten that it was in America. I didn’t even remember that the job was on the other side of the world. Who would have known that a job would be the one hurdle we couldn’t jump.

“You can still do it,” I noted.

“And us?”

“Long distance…”

“Long distance never works,” she interrupted. She was annoyed and frustrated and I knew that making her choose between me and her dream job was killing her.

“We’ve never even tried. How would you know?” I countered.

“Remember Alex and Fiona?” she demanded.

“They aren’t us!”

“They could be.”

“You don’t know that,” I tried to soothe. She leant on her elbows on top of me and looked at me. I tucked an errant strand of hair behind her ear.

“Do you want me to leave?” she asked. I looked her in the eye and thought about it, settling for honesty.

“No, but I know what this means to you and I’m not standing in the way of it,” I replied.

“So you want me to go?”

“I think you should. I want you to stay.”

“So you’re telling me to go even though you don’t want to?” she clarified.

“Pretty much, yes,” I said. She looked into my eyes and I don’t know what she saw but whatever it was seemed to settle whatever was troubling her. She got up and out of bed, moving towards the bathroom.

“Then we’re over,” she said simply.

“What?” I asked, shocked. She closed the bathroom door and before I could open the door again she just called out.

“You’re going to be late if you don’t go now.”

I had glanced at the clock and tore out of there without a second thought. I needed to get to uni for my final exam. I figured she was probably joking, that she wouldn’t leave without at least saying goodbye, and that this could be dealt with later. Except later was when I walked into the apartment we shared and noticed that everything had already been packed away and cleared out. The house was already devoid of her and her set of keys were sitting on the table without a note or anything.

Holding my head in my hands I sighed and leant back in my chair. How was I supposed to deal with her back here again with that type of departure? I didn’t even get a goodbye and she expected me to be calm about seeing her again? I didn’t even know she had changed jobs. Especially since the job she had left for had been her dream job. And now she was back in Australia.

Closing my eyes I rested my head on the back of the sofa and just waited, sorting out my thoughts one by one. Who was I to say anything though? After she had left I hadn’t even bothered to find a job following the degree I had gotten. It reminded me too much of her. Essentially everything did, but just seeing the word engineer would make me remember times when we would study, me lying on our bed with an engineering textbook and her sitting at the desk writing up notes for her thesis on nuclear research and specific types of effects that could be harnessed for stronger links to power efficiency.

I laughed at myself. She may have gone to America to get her dream job as a nuclear researcher, but she was somehow here in Australia in a business industry that was trying to buy my designs. I laughed at the jump in her career choices and the laughter slowly died and turned into sobs. Why had everything gone so wrong?

Somewhere along the lines I fell asleep on the chair. The next thing I knew I woke up to the sound of someone knocking on the door. Getting up and still half asleep I answered it, slightly groggy.

“Yea?” I asked.

Senna looked at me and her mouth twitched slightly as she tried not to laugh.

“You haven’t changed,” she said jokingly, “You still look cute when you just wake up.”

As she realised what she had just said, her smile faded and a pain entered her eyes. I couldn’t help the echo of pain that went straight to my heart nor the pain of knowing exactly what I had lost.

“Did you need something?” My tone was still harsher than necessary but I didn’t want to let her in, not after last time. I was being stubborn and perhaps I should just forgive and forget but she still looked perfect and I couldn’t help but want her all over again. I could still read her reactions and though others wouldn’t have noticed her imperceptible movement, I saw her flinch and felt an answering stab inside.

“I’m here to go through the paperwork with you. It’s simple and it should be done within a few hours,” she said softly. I heard a slight tremor in her voice but wasn’t sure what it meant.

The internal debate was settled with the thought I don’t care what she’s here for or how she left, I just know that I still want to be with her.

Opening the door a little more to let her in, I couldn’t help but give a half-smile. I didn’t trust myself to do much else and I knew that I was nobody around her. At any rate, I was just basking in the knowledge that she was around me again.

“It’s nice,” she said.

I wasn’t sure how she wanted me to react but the comment made me feel light headed. She liked where I live.

“Thanks,” I said. I guess I could do something right.

“Just sit down and make yourself comfortable then,” I said, playing host, “Would you like something to drink?”

“Water’s fine,” she replied, setting down a bag I hadn’t even noticed she was carrying and taking out some papers.

I wondered if she had changed all that much in the years we had been apart. Hoping that we hadn’t, I mixed some cold water with lukewarm water to make it chilled like she used to like it.

Accepting with a small smile she took a sip and I watched as her eyes widened slightly. Curious as to the explanation of her reaction but unwilling to verbally question her, I simply took my seat next to her on the only couch in the room and thus only available seat.

After a few hours of discussion which was purely work I noticed that it was beginning to get late and wondered if she was hungry or had anywhere to stay.

“How much longer will this be?” I asked after I had finished filling in a few more details.

“About three more hours I suppose,” she replied. Sighing and rubbing a hand over her tired eyes.

“How about I just make something for dinner and we can continue this later or something?” I offered. She looked at me surprised, as though she hadn’t even considered taking a break, at least not one with me in it.

“If you want to stop we could just continue this tomorrow,” she said resignedly. We both knew that the chances of us finishing tonight were slim to none.

“Where are you staying?” I asked, determined to at least know that much.

“I was just going to find a motel somewhere,” she replied. I looked at her incredulously and she looked away.

“You might as well stay here, I don’t think any sane person would want to live in the only motel hereabouts,” I said, my tone suggested that I wouldn’t take no for an answer.

“I don’t want to be a bother,” she muttered.

“I don’t want you dead,” I countered.

She looked at me curiously and I shook my head, now was not the time to explain who Hilary was and I didn’t think she’d really care about it in the first place. Though Hilary would definitely consider her a threat and I really didn’t want to know what she would want to do to Senna.

“Just stay here for the night, you said it yourself that this shouldn’t take more than three hours. We can continue it in the morning. I’ll make us some dinner,” I said. She nodded slowly, not quite sure what was going on but willing to accept at least that much.

“Do you need any help?” she asked.

“Nah…I do it all the time now. Sort of had to get used to it,” I explained. I went into the bathroom and washed my hands.

“Where’s your gear?” I asked when I came back into the room.

“In my car,” she replied, closing her bag and checking to make sure she hadn’t forgotten anything else.

“You can get what you need now and just stick it in the bedroom; it’s the door on the right up the stairs. The other door is the bathroom, feel free to shower and freshen up. Dinner should be ready in about half an hour or so,” I said. She nodded as she digested this information.

I left for the kitchen before she had even made a move to stand up. It was while I was preparing the food that I heard the front door close and I let out a breath I hadn’t realised I was holding. Something told me that she was going to upend my entire life again.

Dinner was a simple matter. It wasn’t like I was a culinary chef or anything, but living alone had forced me to learn how to cook, for no other reason than because I couldn’t stand eating the same food every day.

There was however, a stony silence between us while we ate and though I might have seemed to be ignoring her, I didn’t know how I could watch her or converse with her. I knew that if I looked up from my food, I’d see her eating, and for some reason I had always found the sight to be entirely too sinful to be normal.

After dinner, we resumed talk of the contract before finally calling it a night around 11 pm.

She stared at me when I told her that it was late. I used to sleep around three in the morning, sometimes later. I just shrugged and told her that I’d shower and do all my nightly rituals before letting her use the bathroom. She agreed and we separated. Once again, she was left to pack away the documents while I prepared the normal habits I had seemed to accumulate over the years.

Standing in the shower, I realised just how much of my life had been reduced to habit. I had stopped doing anything remotely resembling spontaneous since she had left. At first the habits had just been something to do so that I could stop thinking about her, but then I had just given up on doing anything else. I briefly wondered if the habits that I had accumulated were just so that I could stop living and just exist.

After a quick shower I was about to go down the stairs when I saw her standing in my room. Peeking in, out of curiosity more than anything, I watched as she reached out to touch something on my dresser. Trying to remember what I had put there, I had to stifle a gasp when I realised I had left a picture of us there.

I must have made some kind of noise because she started speaking.

“Why did you keep it?”

Her voice was soft and lacking any discerning emotion. Her back didn’t help to provide any information either. I figured that she didn’t want to think of us like that and tried to find the most passive way of replying. I really didn’t want her to leave.

Putting my entire being on the line I decided that the truth was probably the best way to go. She didn’t deserve lies and if I was going to do this, I had to be honest, if of anything so that I wouldn’t drown in regret.

“I’m not over you,” I managed to say. It was barely above a whisper but she heard it anyway and I saw her shoulders slump a little. Realising I had likely over-stepped comfortable measures I remembered the reason I was looking for her in the first place.

“The bathroom’s free. I’m going to sleep now; I’ll be on the couch downstairs if you need me. You might want to close the door as well. I wake up a little early,” I said hurriedly. I left before I got a reply and almost ran down the stairs in my haste to get away.

It was later when I was lying down on the less than comfortable couch that I heard her come in. I shut my eyes and breathed evenly, assuming sleep position.

I felt her smile more than anything else. I also felt her come closer and brush some of my hair out of my face.

“I know you’re not asleep, at least I’d like to think I know, but if you don’t want to talk to me, you don’t have to. Just know that I’m not over you either. I never was and never will be.” Her voice broke slightly in the last sentence and I resisted temptation to just open my eyes and check.

“At any rate, good night, I guess I’ll see you in the morning,” she whispered. She touched my brow one more time before moving away.

For a single moment I was never more aware of what I may be losing if I didn’t do something. Reaching out instinctively, I caught her hand before it had fully cleared my personal space. My eyes shot open and I looked into her surprised eyes. Studying her face, I saw tear tracks and instantly felt like an idiot.

We stayed like that for a while, the silence slowly turning awkward. Finally breaking the silence I said the only thing in my mind.

“I don’t know what to say.”

The admission made her release a laugh. It wasn’t really much more than a break in tension and her laugh wasn’t more than out of relief, but I couldn’t help the feeling of pride for managing to make her laugh, even if it wasn’t a giant display of mirth.

She gave me a half grin that melted my insides all over again and I couldn’t help but return the smile.

“You don’t have to say anything,” she said gently. I nodded my understanding and swung my legs around, never letting go of her hand. She looked at me curiously and I just stood up so that we were almost head to head. She was still taller than me and a smile tugged at my lips. I looked into her eyes and brought up my other hand, gently brushing away the dried tears on her face.

I felt her tense slightly, as if she wasn’t fully sure what to expect.

“I know we have a lot to work through. I know that we still have so much to work out, to catch up on and I know we need to know if we’re still compatible. But for tonight, just for tonight, can you let me show me how much you still mean to me? I’ve only had dreams and I don’t know if I can handle going through another night without you in my arms,” I said. I hadn’t stopped the reverent touching of her face and she shivered slightly from the light trails I was drawing on her face.

Our eyes met and I swear I saw her soul there. As though finally deciding something, she nodded slightly before grabbing my face and kissing me passionately. Tongues duelled and deeply buried fires were reborn with a vengeance. Suddenly I couldn’t get enough of her.

Just touching her wasn’t enough. I wanted, no, needed to feel her. I needed to hear her call for me as much as I had called for her in my heart and mind. I needed to know that I could still make her lose her mind. I needed to know that she was still mine.

Our lips were locked as we tried to make it to the bedroom. Admittedly we were slightly distracted with everything else whilst trying to get there. Shirts and pants were thrown haphazardly as fast as physically possible. It meant that by the time we had reached the stairs, one of my hands was palming her breast while the other was pressing her closer to me in the middle of her back.

“Off,” I demanded. She instantly pulled off her bra. Before she even had time to return to our kiss, I had latched onto a breast and proceeded to bite and suck on it. Her moans did nothing but encourage me and after a few minutes of one I moved onto the other one.

By now we had given up on making it to the bedroom and so I had just pushed her up against the wall and began running a hand up her thigh. The moment I had almost reached where she wanted me most, I traced up the other thigh from her knee. After a few times of doing that she was groaning and trying to force me to move closer with her body.

“Tell me,” I whispered.

“Please,” she begged.

“Please what?”

“I need…”

She closed her eyes and I felt her entire body sigh when I finally touched her gently. I pulled her undies off and ran a finger along her slit. Her gasp made me do it again but she had other plans. Her hips bucked against me as my finger slipped in and plunged deep into her. She let out a moan and grinded against my hand.

“You’re so wet,” I moaned. Her only response was a guttural moan.

I slipped a second finger in and set a slow pace.

“Harder…” she begged.

Pushing deeper into her with every thrust I felt her tremble around my fingers and savoured every moment of it. “…oh gods…faster…please…” Her words began to come randomly interspersed between moans and I obeyed her. I felt her reaching the brink and decided to prolong the experience. Slowing down again I felt her nails dig into my shoulders.

“…no…please…don’t …stop…”

Unable to deny her this pleasure I sped up again. This time, as she reached the brink again, I pressed hard onto her clit and she screamed out my name as her muscles quivered around my fingers. I slowed down and let her ride out her orgasm as she came back to me.

Soaked in sweat and though content for the time being, she looked into my eyes and I knew that the night was far from over. She stripped me of my remaining clothes and then dragged me upstairs. The night was soon lost in moans and screams as we worshipped each others bodies.

Part 2 will come....soon...

Bleed To Forget

Title: Bleed To Forget

Rating: R I guess...death doesn't really let you say anything but R

Summary: Love, Death and all that...

Feedback: For this? I don't particularly want it...it's sort of personal.

Warnings: Suicide!! Don't read it if you're queasy about blood and the like.

I’m sitting next to the phone. I know he’ll never call because I’ve told him not to, but some small part of me wishes that he would, just so that it would stop hurting. There’s a ring and I snatch up the receiver only to hear an annoying telemarketer reply to my excited “hello”.

I hang up without listening, nothing’s worth listening to if it isn’t his voice.

There’s nothing to do around here anymore. It was stupid of me to think that telling him to leave me alone would help me get over him. All I had now was a sick feeling in my chest.

Every day was the same. I stayed inside and stared at the four walls surrounding me, trying to find something to take my mind off the loneliness that was permeating the air. I had tried to go outside, but everywhere I turned I had thought I had seen him and my heart would speed up, wishing it was him and that he would see me and hold me again, but it never is.

How am I supposed to wake up everyday thinking about him and knowing that he would never think about me? How am I supposed to go through life knowing that he doesn’t need me to live?

Trying to stop the tears from coming, I bite my lip and stare hard at the wall, trying to count the number of dots that aren’t there but I can pretend are. When the feeling passes, I let go of my lip and taste blood. I had bitten on it so many times in the last few days I don’t think it will last much longer before I bite right through it.

A knock on the door makes my heart skip a beat and I’m almost running to the door. The person on the other side is someone I neither want to see nor hear from but she is angry and determined. I had hurt her friend and I deserved all the punishment in the world.

“How could you tell him to leave you alone like that?” she demanded.

I cringed but kept my peace, figuring that she would leave when she had said her mind.

“He’s hurting so much from how rude you were and I honestly don’t think you’re worth defending,” she continued to rant.

Every word cut into me. I was hurting him by being away from him, and I was hurting myself as well, so why should I continue. Before I had managed to finish formulating the idea, I realised that even if this was hurting him, he wasn’t hurting as much as me. We were friends but for him it was nothing more and I didn’t want to feel the amount of pain I was feeling just for that little scrap of pleasure every time he smiled at me.

Shutting the door in our mutual friend’s face, I ignored her protest and settled for staring at the blank walls around me. I had taken away everything that reminded me of him, which was essentially everything. All that was in the room was a chair and the only reason that didn’t remind me of him was because it reminded me of my parents more. They had given it to me when I had moved in. I slept on the ground and stared at the walls all day. I knew that I had no more electricity but I never tested the theory. I didn’t need light when my life was so dark.

It was time now anyway. I couldn’t take it anymore. He didn’t love me, he didn’t need me, at least not like I needed him. I took out the knife in my hand. I was a waste of space now. I wasn’t even alive inside; it was time that my body followed my heart.

My body was functional and others could use it, people that needed it to live, people that would live. The cut is deep – deep enough for blood to well up instantly and I watch the blood dribble down my arm. I hold a new towel under it and wait for it to soak up. I had only recently bought twenty of them for this.

The blood was slowing down and I frowned. I would need to bleed more. Bleed faster. This was taking too long and it wasn’t working.

I lay down a few towels until they overlapped to form three layers on the ground before lying down on it and proceeding to bare my legs. Cutting deep I winced from the sharp pain I felt when the blade dug into my flesh. The blood began to run, it wasn’t as slow as before and I felt light headed.

Lying completely on the towels, I recut my arms to make sure that it was still deep enough before changing hands so that the other arm was bleeding too. As I passed into sleep I smiled again. At least I wouldn’t have to think about him ever again.

Living Through Tonight

If I told you, would it really make a difference?

I ask myself that over and over again as I look at you. I can’t help it that I find watching you somewhat soothing. Nor can I help it that for every time you walk past me and hug someone else, I feel like my heart is breaking.

There are memories where we used to be closer. We used to laugh and chat a lot and sometimes I’d just read over old conversations just to remember that once upon a time, you didn’t ignore me. I know it’s stupid to want you the way I do, but I just wish that one day I had enough guts to tell you that you are and will always be perfection to me. I may move on, but I’ll never forget you because you are the first person I can truly say I love.

It didn’t occur to me that it was love until I realised that I was more concerned about your feeling and well being above my own. We used to go out with friends and when we parted ways I would be waiting online for the next few days for you to just sign in and assure me that you were safe. It didn’t really matter to me that I probably seemed like an idiot to the rest of my family. I just needed to know.

You don’t read this stuff anymore; you have better things to do if of anything. You disregard all my personal messages in my name as just me being me. Did it ever occur to you that it’s about you? I know that you probably couldn’t ever see me the same way, but for all my arguments that hope is stupid and pointless, I can’t help but hope you know.

This is a huge risk for me. On the oft chance that you read this, I’m most probably going to kill myself knowing that you’re trying your hardest to pretend I don’t exist. Either that or you’re trying to figure out the nicest way to let me down without hurting me too much because we have mutual friends and they’d kill you if you hurt me like that. But I can’t be certain about that.

People would probably settle me down to being insecure right about now. I am. I know I am. But there’s also that slight problem that I’m afraid and will probably always be afraid of the rejection that you’d certainly deal to me.

So I’ve said my peace. You broke my heart again tonight and I know you probably don’t really care, but I still felt it and I’m probably going to cry myself to sleep because of it. As my personal message now says: If I did something wrong, if I've hurt you some way, please forgive me; you're breaking my heart every time you turn away.

For all intents and purposes this is just a random story, and I’ll have changed my message before you sign in anyway. Not that you sign in anymore – at least not as often as you used to. I wish you knew how I felt so that you would know exactly what was happening to me every time you ignore me, but I wouldn’t wish this pain on my worst enemies.

Drabble (190 Words)

She smiled. It was a cute little half smile that made him feel giddy inside and for a brief moment he wondered if he had gone to heaven because there was no way a mortal could look so perfect. His angel just nodded a few more times to something that her friend said and then walked towards him.

“Hey,” she said. Her sweet voice rolled over him and for a few seconds he was too stunned to respond.

“Hi,” he finally replied. She looked at him curiously.

“So I was wondering if you could do me a favour,” she continued.

“Anything…”he said, almost drooling.

“Close your mouth first,” she said laughingly. Instantly his mouth snapped shut.

“Now close your eyes.”

He did as she asked without hesitation.

She kissed him gently and before she could pull away he responded and drew her closer to him. When they finally parted he opened his eyes and stared into hers.

“You cheated,” she whispered.

He looked at her questioningly, unwilling to destroy her sweet voice with his harsher one.

“You opened your eyes.”

He just laughed, closed his eyes and kissed her again.

Drabble (280 Words)

Alright, this is simple, he told himself. Just walk in, tell him and then leave.

Nodding to himself in assurance more than anything else he stalked up to the front door. He stopped one millimetre from knocking before turning around and running back down the path.

Still panting slightly he looked at the dark mahogany door in front of him and closed his eyes. “I can do this,” he muttered to himself.

Holding his head up higher he walked back down the path to the door, each step more hesitant than the last and his head lowering the closer he got.

Just before he touched the wood, he stopped, his hand shaking.

Closing his eyes, he thought, for her, and then knocked twice. The sound made his entire body tremble and he briefly considered running down the path again.

“Can I help you?” asked a deep voice. Opening his eyes he looked at the formidable man standing before him.

“I’m here for you daughter?” he asked, squeaking.

The man looked at him appraisingly before he was turned around by a stunning woman.

“I’m here,” she said, hugging her father, “I’m going now dad, I’ll be back soon.”

She twirled past her father and towards her date.

“Have fun baby,” he said, giving one last stare to the boy.

“She’ll be back before 12!” he yelped out.

The last thing he saw before the door shut was the man smiling and drawing a finger across his neck in warning. The boy ran like mad to his car and breathed a sigh of relief when he reached it alive.

Smiling to himself he thought, that went better than the last twenty-two times.

Drabble (166 Words)

He looked at her.

“Truth or dare?” he asked, lifting the bottle up in salute.

“Truth,” she replied hesitantly. Playing this drinking game with her crush was possibly the most stupid thing she’d ever decided to do.

“Two swigs first!” he commanded, laughing at himself. In all honesty, she was far from drunk. Her alcohol tolerance was obviously a whole lot higher than his. After the two swigs, she felt a slight head rush but still wasn’t even tipsy.

“If you could live anywhere, where would you live?” he asked. Figuring that he was too drunk to even listen to her answer, she replied honestly.

“If I could live anywhere, I would live in that moment just after we hug and before we let go.”

He stared at her.

“You mean that?” he asked. All traces of drunkenness disappeared and he stared intently into her eyes.

“Yes?” she whispered nervously.

“Good,” he said. Leaning in and hugging her.

“I live in this moment too,” he whispered.

Rejection and Reunion

Title: Rejection and Reunion

Rating: safely in PG...though there was that one swear word

Summary: As the title suggests that's what this story's about. Ray demanded a happy ending so I wrote one even if there was a whole pile of angst before hand.

Feedback: Would be appreciated...if you can be bothered

Warnings: it’s FemSlash (f/f) so if you don’t like those pairings, don’t read it

It’s a crush.

Yet it feels like it’s more, is that possible?

Here’s the background. I’m crushing on my best friend. Stupid, I know, but I think I only realised how much I was in love with her when I recognised the extent I would go to just to see her smile or have her attention entirely focussed on me. This is like a stupid cliché. Lesbian teen has giant epiphany and falls madly in love with her friend; except I fell for her before I noticed that I was a lesbian.

So it’s been about three years now. Three long years of alternatively hoping she’d find a boyfriend so that I could move on from this with the knowledge that I could never have her and wishing she’d never have a boyfriend because I know that it would kill me if she ever got one. In all this time I had come out to everyone but her and told only a few people who I was crushing on.

We’re going to the movies now; we being my group. She’s smiling and laughing at something someone else says and I lose myself for a moment. It’s all those little things that she does that completely wipes me off my feet and I can’t explain it but I feel like it’s the only important thing in my life. If she ever cried or was upset, my entire world would start crumbling and I would do anything and everything in my power to take the pain away from her.

After the movie we are supposed to go to dinner and then go back to Erica’s place for a sleepover. Erica knows about my crush and decided to stick us next to each other for the night. I was still trying to decide whether to hug her or kill her.

“Come on, it’ll be fun Senna,” said Erica. Senna looked at her as if she had gone insane.

“Fun? It sounds more brutal than anything else,” she replied. I laughed inwardly. My girl was so innocent I couldn’t help but wonder what would happen when we reach thirty. Then again she isn’t my girl and I have no right to ever think of her that way. My internal laughter dies and is replaced by a sadness and longing that could only come from matters of the heart.

“It sounds gross and boring,” chimed in Marie.

“But think of the hot guys!!” gushed Erica.

I rolled my eyes and ignored the conversation. In my opinion, there were no good movies out anymore.

“What do you think Del?” asked Marie.

“Do I really have a say?” I returned laughingly.

“Of course,” replied Erica.

“In which case, let’s watch a horror movie,” I said. Erica looked horrified and then three vehement ‘no’s were heard.

“Then I have nothing else to say,” I said gleefully.

We ended up choosing the movie with ‘hot guys’ and I spent most of the movie just watching Senna. She was focussed on the movie and pretty much ignored everything going around her. I feigned more interest and watched the movie, just basking in the fact that I was sitting next to her.

On the way back and through dinner, a thoroughly useless conversation regarding the hotness of the main characters was being pushed around. Something about rating guys by appearance had never really appealed much to me. I guess Senna just explained to me why.

Back at Erica’s place, we started another movie, halfway through it, Erica and Marie had already fallen asleep. Senna was drifting and I was wide awake and wondering what to do with myself. The movie was boring and being noise pollution so I turned it off and spent the time just watching Senna drift into sleep. Gradually her breathing panned out and I watched her a few more minutes before I finally felt a little weary.

“I love you,” I mutter and sleep claims me gently.

Morning meant food and my tummy seemed to heartily agree as it grumbled. I stared at the ceiling for a while and then turned to face Senna’s surrogate bed.

It was empty.

This made me wake up a whole lot faster and I was sitting up and looking around before I had fully processed that she might not have been in danger.

“Morning,” said Marie breezily.

“Morning Marie,” I muttered. She laughed off my obvious morning grumpiness and continued to smile at me.

“What?” I asked. She shook her head and then looked towards the door.

Erica and Senna were carrying the breakfast tray in and I finally noticed that the sleeping bags had been cleared off the floor. All the bags, except mine.

“Sorry,” I replied. A slight blush came into my cheeks and I got up and helped set up the meal.

Breakfast was relatively silent and we all seemed to be determined to just eat as much as we wanted whilst making really small talk.

“What’s happening today?” asked Erica.

“I thought we could go get some more food. We’re sort of running low,” said Senna.

“Yea, it’s absolutely awesome that your parents let us stay here while they were away, but we’re seriously running low on stuff,” said Marie, stuffing more food into her mouth.

“No wonder with the way you eat,” laughed Erica. Marie looked indignant for a few seconds before caving in and laughing as well.

“I’ll go,” I offered, “Just give me a list.”

“I’ll just go with you then,” said Erica, “TRY NOT TO KILL MY HOUSE YOU TWO!”

The two in question looked innocently at her and stopped slapping each other over the last piece of toast. I rolled my eyes and went to get changed. Ten minutes later and we were walking down the street to the nearby market.

“How you dealing?” she asked.

Erica was still looking straight ahead. I looked up at the sky and watched a bird fly past and land in a nearby tree.

“I’m fine,” I replied. She looked at me like I was insane.

“Alright, so not exactly fine, but not crappy either,” I elaborated. She sighed and we were silent until we were nearly at the supermarket.

“If you need me, I’m here, you know that right?” she asked.

“I know,” I replied. I hugged her tightly. “This isn’t about me anymore though.”

We’d had this conversation often enough for her to understand what that meant. I had reached the point where I would do anything for Senna even if it meant just being her friend for eternity while she found someone else to love.

It was two hours later that we managed to get the food through the front door, laughing and giggling at all the times I’d tripped on flat pavement. The other two were watching television. Or well, more precisely Senna was watching and Marie was busy poking her head under the couch.

“What exactly are you trying to do?” asked Erica.

A thump and a muttered ‘ow’ later Marie looked at us both, her hair sticking up in all directions and holding onto her head.

“Hey wow, food!” she squealed. Erica rolled her eyes and made her way to the kitchen with all her bags. Marie ran after her, asking what she had bought. Senna turned away from the screen.

“Hey,” she said softly.

“Hey.”

“Need help?” she asked.

“Nah, it’s fine,” I replied. I hefted the bags and followed the other two into the kitchen. It was moments like that that filled my heart with every ounce of hope that maybe she felt the same way. It was also why I hated hope so much. I knew that I would never have a chance. Mentally shaking my head of all the things I wish I could do, I helped pack away the groceries.

“Marie and I are going to get some chocolate. Apparently she can’t live without it,” said Erica. I laughed as Marie just dragged the laughing Erica out the door, explaining all the different chocolates.

Senna walked into the kitchen just as I was finishing up.

“Where’d they go?”

“Chocolate shopping,” I replied, rolling my eyes. Senna just laughed and poured herself a drink from the fridge.

“You want to do anything?” I asked.

“I just finished watching a movie, we can watch the other one if you want. It’s all sappy and romance-y,” she whispered conspiratorially. I just smiled at her. Sometimes she was just too cute for words.

So we wound up watching the overly romantic movie and I spent most of the time just wondering if I would ever do that with the person I loved. The longing would have killed me but it was relatively okay. She was lying in my arms to watch the movie after all.

“I wonder if that stuff ever actually happens,” she commented.

I looked at the screen and saw the guy proclaiming how his heart beat faster and his entire being filled with happiness around the girl.

“It happens to me,” I muttered wryly. I hadn’t meant for her to hear it but she did and turned to look at me.

“Really?” she asked dubiously.

“Yes, really,” I replied, trying my hardest to figure out how to change the conversation.

“When?”

Her voice headed into its argumentative tone. Usually I would find it incredibly endearing, but right now I just wanted something to distract her.

“Well? Who made you go all gushy and love-y?” she continued.

“It’s complicated,” I replied.

“You just don’t want to tell me.”

“That might be part of it,” I said. At that moment I wondered if it was worth hiding it at all. If she rejected me I wouldn’t leave her side anyway, though I’d at least know for certain whether or not she felt the same way.

“Who was it?” she demanded playfully.

“You,” I whispered. A silence descended that was only broken by the television and the sappy movie.

“Very funny,” she said, laughing it off, “I’m serious. Who?”

“I’m serious,” I replied softly, “It’s you. It’s always been you. Will always be you sort of thing.”

She pulled away from me and at that moment there was no distance greater. The pain I felt in my heart was only made worse by the confusion in her eyes and another unreadable look.

“Del…I …can’t…”she said.

“Don’t worry,” I interrupted, “I should actually go check on Erica and Marie. They’ve been gone for a while.”

I stood up quickly and almost ran out the door. The blood rushing through my ears was the only thing I heard and the moment I left the house tears were already pouring down my face. I couldn’t take this right now. The day had started so perfectly.

“Del?” asked a familiar voice, “Sweetie what’s wrong?”

“Del?” asked another voice.

“I’m fine. I just…need some time,” I said.

“You don’t look so fine to me,” muttered Marie. Arms went around me and I cried as if there was no tomorrow. And for my heart, there was no tomorrow. It was already over. I had lost and would never be found.

It was a few hours later while I was sitting in my room back at my house that I really thought about it. I had hurt her so many times in the past I was surprised she even bothered to come anywhere near me let along letting me stay her friend. If I had been her I would have left me somewhere ages ago, moved onto more interesting people that wouldn’t threaten to hurt her physically or her feelings.

Tears slowly slipped out of the corner of her eyes. How could I possibly think that she would let me in if the chance of me hurting her is so high? I don’t deserve her, I never did, how could I have ever let myself hope that maybe she could have even a smidgeon of the feelings that I have for her?

A knock on my door made me hide under the covers and pretend to sleep.

“I guess she’s sleeping. Do you want me to wake her up for you?” asked my dad. I wondered who he could be talking to and when I heard the other voice I was torn between running towards her and staying hidden for life.

Somehow I managed to stick a couple of songs that reminded me the most about her and went to bed crying just listening to the songs. It was over then, and even if I didn’t deserve to have her, at least it was out. Now all I have to do is be her friend and nothing more. She probably won’t want to touch you ever again either, so no hugging and other deliberate acts of closeness.

I sighed and began to regret ever telling her. It was those little acts of closeness that made my life worth living in the first place. Either way I had to see and talk to Erica anyway, she kept calling like crazy and I had just silenced my phone.

I walked around the corner and down the street, wishing the sun wasn’t shining just because I felt like the world should be grey. As I neared Erica’s house I heard voices. Her parents still weren’t back from overseas so I knew that it couldn’t be them, and as I got closer I recognised Senna’s voice and Erica’s.

“What do you mean you can’t get through to her?” asked Senna. Her voice was distraught and the anguish in it made my heart break all over again. I stopped before I reached the house just to see what was going on.

“I mean that she’s not answering her phone,” said Erica.

“You said you would talk to her,” pleaded Senna.

“I can’t talk to her if she refuses to see me or pick up her phone.”

“Well, can’t you try harder?”

“Senna, I can’t force her to listen to me,” sighed Erica.

“But…”

“I know …you’re hurting, but she is too,” interrupted Erica. My hopes soared, and in that second my entire world looked bright again. Before I could even move however, their conversation continued.

“I miss her. She’s still my friend right?”

My world crashed in that second and I sat down, my entire body numb from the shock. I couldn’t do it. How was I supposed to walk in to see them both now that I know exactly how deep – or should I say not deep – her feelings were for me? Because you love her, and if the only thing she wants from you is friendship, you’d give it to her because it’s what she wants. This was never about you.

With that mentality, I took a deep breath and stood up on shaky legs and waited until I was calm enough before casually strolling closer to the house.

The moment I walked through the gate Erica and Senna stood stunned for a while before they finally processed that I was really there.

“You’re here,” said Senna numbly.

“Yea,” I replied. I couldn’t force much else out of my mouth. Senna had tear tracks down her face and all I wanted to do was hug her and take away her pain. But you don’t have the right to do that anymore.

I swallowed my rejection and gave her a small smile. It wasn’t fully of happiness but at least it wasn’t forced and she gave me a teary smile in return.

“I think we need to talk,” she said. I nodded, unwilling to trust my voice.

“I’ll be inside if you need me,” said Erica, turning and walking into her house.

There was an awkward silence while we both tried to figure out what to say.

“Del…”

“Sen…”

We laughed as we started speaking at the same time. With the tension broken she indicated that I should go first and I prepared myself.

“Senna, I know that you don’t like me the way I like you,” I said. She merely nodded, looking at me with a worried expression.

“I know that you don’t like me so I won’t push or anything, and if you want me to I’m willing to just be friends,” I said. She took a deep breath and nodded slowly.

“I’m sorry,” she finally whispered.

“It’s fine,” I said shaking my head.

“You’re not fine.”

“I will be. It might just take a little bit of time,” I said.

She nodded and we stood looking at each other for a while.

“Friends?” she asked hesitantly.

“Friends,” I confirmed.

She sighed with relief and hugged me.

“I’m really sorry,” she whispered into my ear.

“Don’t be. I’d rather you say no than lie and say you like me,” I muttered. She nodded and I just savoured the feel of her arms around me.

“We should go inside and tell Erica and Marie, they’ve been so worried,” she said.

“Marie’s here?” I asked.

“Of course, the sleepover!” she exclaimed.

I laughed and she turned and entered the house. I took a deep breath and released it in a sigh. At least I’m still her friend. But the reassurance fell on an empty heart and I followed her in, shutting the door behind me.

Erica hugged me the moment she saw me.

“I’m here if you need me,” she said quietly. I nodded numbly and looked over to where Senna and Marie were talking about some guy on television. Her face looked slightly confused when she looked at me again, but then dissolved into giggles when Marie said something else.

“How you feeling?” asked Erica.

“I’m fine,” I replied automatically.

“Truly?” she asked. I looked back at her and looked into her eyes.

“I’ll deal, but right now I’m just glad she’s still in my life,” I replied honestly. Erica nodded and we moved to join Senna and Marie in front of the television.

It was three months later that I met Jen. She was funny, she was cute and she was gay; in all senses of that word. We were sitting in a club and watching other people dance. I couldn’t dance all that well and Jen just felt like keeping me company, something about missing her girl back home.

“You’re not even fighting for her?” asked an incredulous Jen.

“How do I fight someone that doesn’t exist exactly?”

“For starters you tell her how you feel in explicit detail!” she declared.

I rolled my eyes. Jen was a great friend but definitely not a person that could give you sound advice; especially not after drinking as much as she already had.

“Jen…that only works in movies or stupid love stories, my life is neither of those,” I said.

“How would you know if you’ve never tried it?”

I had to hand it to her though. Sometimes she’d actually say something interesting enough for a thought to cling to it.

“Hey look…hot babes,” slurred Jen. I looked at her and mentally counted how many drinks she’d had. It was almost time to take her back to her room, and whilst in her inebriated state, I wouldn’t even get hassled by her.

I smiled. We did this entirely too many times. For a moment my mind flickered to other people I had used to go drinking with. Memories of laughing with Senna drifted into my mind and I gritted my teeth waiting for it to pass. I hadn’t seen her in weeks. I’d swear she was avoiding me but then again we were busy with university and since we weren’t even in the same one, it sort of made it harder to meet up at all.

“Jen?” I asked sweetly.

“Yar?” she replied, so drunk that she couldn’t even say yes properly.

“We’re going back home now,” I explained. She looked at me as though I was insane.

“No,” she said vehemently.

“Yes,” I said sweetly. I put down my non-alcoholic drink and picked her up easily. She tried to fight but her lack of control over muscles made it easy for me to hold one arm over my shoulders whilst wrapping an arm around her waist to steady her.

“Nooo…” she moaned.

“Too bad,” I replied.

I was almost out the door before I caught the sight of Senna. I stopped and stared at her. She was with some girl and they were laughing together. I closed my eyes for a moment to try and regain my composure. When I opened them again I saw that they had moved closer and Senna was kissing her.

“Wha?” asked Jen when my arm tightened almost painfully on her wrist.

“Nothing,” I said stoically.

Jen seemed to sense my sadness and silenced herself. Even if she was drunk, she was still a good friend. She knew better than to push me when I was like this.

I got Jen settled properly in bed at her house before I left for my own place. As the designated driver I was just thankful that she didn’t puke all over the ground this time.

Looking at the time I realised that it was still early and decided to drive somewhere to think quietly. The most logical place for me to go was the park. It was near my place but it was also extremely near the club we were at before. Then again Senna’s so busy sucking face with her girlfriend, I thought bitterly.

When I reached the park I sat down on a bench and listened to the sound of leaves rustling and gradually succumbed to their hypnotising music and calmed down properly to think.

The kiss I saw was far beyond platonic. That was for certain. The body language itself meant that it was probably someone she was extremely close to. I sighed and looked up at the dim stars. Living near the city had its virtues and its obvious negatives. I missed seeing the night sky, it always made me feel like I could do so much more.

She isn’t straight. She just loves someone else; someone that’s not you.

Unbidden a tear rolled down my face and landed somewhere I couldn’t even hope to see. I knew she was perfect. I knew she was far beyond my reach but this just laid it out so clearly. How I ever thought I’d ever have a chance was beyond me.

I wondered if her girlfriend was smarter or funnier or just plain prettier than me. I laughed at myself but that soon turned into sobs. This is it, I told myself. She’s never going to be yours to hold. It’s time to move on, greener pastures and all that.

At that moment I knew that even if I had given everything I had to her, I had ultimately lost. She had taken my heart years ago. I had nothing left to give her. I briefly considered killing myself but that was dismissed when I realised that even if we hadn’t completely kept in touch she would be upset if I did. I could never cause her pain, even if it caused me more.

When the tears had dried I made my way home. Lying on my bed I stared up at the bland ceiling and wondered again how I had ended up here. How had I ended up alone?

It was a month later than I ran into the girl Senna was with on that fateful night. She was talking and flirting with a group of girls. I figured I should go see what she was doing for no other reason than because I would kill her if she ever cheated on Senna.

“Don’t you already have a girlfriend?” I asked. I was staring at her intently and she merely nodded and smiled sweetly.

“I was just telling these lovely ladies what it was like,” she said.

“What is what like?”

“Making love,” gushed one of the girls.

I swallowed hard to stop myself from screaming. They were definitely more than friends.

“Senna sounds so perfect,” said another one of the girls.

“She is,” I muttered silently.

“How would you know?” asked the suspicious girlfriend.

“I know her,” I replied wryly. I didn’t see the first punch come until it was in my face.

“How the hell could you know her?” she screeched.

“She’s a friend!” I tried to yell, but the words were stuck. I still wanted her to be so much more and some part of me just wanted her to kill me.

“Stop! Lex stop!” yelled Jen. I didn’t know when she had come but I was in the right mind to tell her to let Lex kill me.

“What’s going on here?” asked another familiar voice, this one a completely unwelcome one.

“Senna, did you sleep with this bitch?” asked Lex. Her voice was low and threatening but even with a swollen eye I could see that she wasn’t even remotely intimidated.

“Are you accusing me of cheating on you?” she asked. Her voice was calm but her eyes were blazing furiously.

“I knew you were too good to be true. You’re no more than a common whore. Well I’ll tell you something slut, I can do a whole lot better than you,” screeched Lex.

The sorrow and pain that flickered on Senna’s face made me flinch. That hurt more than any punch Lex could have made.

“She didn’t cheat on you!” I yelled. Lex looked at me and spat on me.

“I’m serious! She would never cheat on someone,” I continued. I had to make Lex see. Lex could make Senna happy in ways I could only dream of.

“It’s over Lex,” was the soft reply from Senna.

“Why?” I demanded. Fear threaded through me. She can’t let her go that easily.

“I can’t love someone who doesn’t trust me,” she replied though her eyes never left Lex’s.

“Well, at least you were a good fuck while it lasted.”

The only reason I didn’t punch her was because I felt like a giant bruise and I didn’t think I would have been able to stand up let alone hit her hard enough to make it hurt.

“Let’s get you to a hospital,” muttered Jen. I had forgotten she was there but managed to nod dumbly as Lex walked away and Senna walked in the other direction.

“In a minute,” I gasped out. I hadn’t realised how much it hurt to talk. My mouth felt like it was swollen and I spat out some blood.

“Now, you really don’t look so good,” said Jen.

“But…Senna…”

I looked towards the direction Senna had walked and pulled away from Jen, determined to try and fix things. I didn’t want to be responsible for hurting the love of my life.

I barely managed to walk one step before I tripped on something and fell flat on my face again. A sickening crack was the last thing I heard before darkness enveloped me.

I woke up to see Jen sitting on the chair flipping channels.

“You know, that’s supposed to be for me,” I said. My voice cracked a bit and it came out as nothing more than a hoarse whisper but she heard me all the same.

“Well, I have two functioning eyes and you have one, so logically I should be the one with power over the television,” she said.

“Great friend you are,” I muttered. It was then that I remembered Senna and her distraught face.

“Senna,” I gasped. Immediately I tried to get out of the hospital bed.

“Whoa…wait a sec,” said Jen, pushing me back down.

“No! Senna!” I said.

“You can see her after you’re healed.”

“No! Hurt!”

“Yes, you’re hurt,” Jen calmly responded.

“No! Senna’s hurt!”

I tried to fight but the adrenalin rush was wearing off and I began to get dizzy.

“Del, listen. You got hurt pretty bad. The last fall kind of broke your wrist which is why you’ve got a cast on. It also knocked you out completely. It’s been two days Del,” Jen explained.

I finally stopped fighting. Two days? That’s too long.

I had to see her now. I couldn’t wait. It wasn’t until she tapped the cast around my left arm that I realised that I wasn’t using my left arm. I stared dumbly at the cast and back up at her.

“Lex sort of managed to swell up your right eye and cut your lip on your teeth. The fall broke your left wrist and knocked you out,” repeated Jen.

I blinked a few times, though since I was only really looking out of one eye I probably should say that I winked.

“So rest for now and I’ll get someone to check no you,” she said.

“Senna…” I protested.

“Later,” she said firmly. I suddenly felt weak and my eye drifted shut.

“Del?” asked a familiar voice.

“Erica,” I gasped. I opened my eyes to see her looking worriedly at me.

“I fine,” I rasped.

“Here’s some water,” she said, handing me a cup.

I drank it down quickly and then rested against the pillows at my back.

“Senna?” I asked nervously.

“It’s not my place to say,” she replied. I nodded silently. You have no right to know. You broke her heart.

“That’s ok,” I said softly.

“Your parents were here earlier,” she said with a smile.

I laughed, or at least tried to, and we spent the rest of the time catching up, deliberately avoiding any mention of Senna. It was an hour later when she said she had to get to uni and she left me there.

Finally alone I tried to get out of bed, only managing to swivel my feet to the edge of the bed. I already felt tired but I was determined. I had to see Senna.

I had managed to put both feet on the ground but when I put my full weight on them I fell straight back down again. Wincing at the pain in my knees from slamming into the ground I didn’t register that someone was helping me back up again until I smelt the familiar scent of Senna.

“Senna…” I sighed.

“Are you alright?” she asked worriedly. I looked at her and smiled. I hadn’t felt this good in months. Maybe getting pummelled was a good thing.

“Del?” she asked when I failed to respond.

“I’m good,” I whispered dreamily. When I realised what I’d said I blushed and tried to pull away from her. I didn’t deserve for her to touch me. I hurt her so badly.

“I’m sorry…” I started.

“Shouldn’t you be in bed?” interrupted the nurse.

I looked at the intruder with intention to murder her.

“She was just getting back in,” said Senna. She smiled warmly at the nurse and the nurse smiled back. A stab of jealousy wrapped itself around my heart before I could tell myself that I had no right to feel it.

“Well then I should go check on some other patients then,” she said, “And you had better be good for your girlfriend, she’s been sitting by your bed ever since you got here.”

I went into shock and it was Senna’s hand on my forehead that woke me up. The nurse had gone a while ago and Senna looked at me quizzically.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“Since I got here?” I questioned. Senna blushed and looked away.

“It was sort of my fault,” she said. I took her chin and forced her to face me.

“Never take the blame for someone else,” I said. She nodded numbly and I realised what position I had managed to wind up in.

“Now explain to me this girlfriend business,” I commanded laughingly. She blushed even more.

“I sort of had to say I was your girlfriend,” she said sheepishly.

“Why?”

“They wouldn’t let me see you otherwise.”

My heart did a happy dance that she would lie just to see me. Even if she didn’t mean it I couldn’t stop the silly grin from appearing on my face.

“I didn’t mean to,” she said softly, “But I needed to know how you were.”

The cut got bigger but I clung to the little thing that she had watched over me while I was sleeping.

“You don’t have to keep pretending anymore.”

It killed me to say it, but I knew how much she hated lying.

“Oh.” Senna nodded slowly.

“Del?” she asked uncertainly.

“Yea?” I was attempting to get into bed and she pushed me further into the middle of the bed to help.

“Do you still want to?” she asked nervously.

“Want to what?”

“Be my girlfriend?”

I stopped moving and turned to look at her, ignoring the weird angle that my leg was now in.

“What?” I asked in shock. She took a deep breath and looked away from me, her eyes wandering around the room and focussing on anything but my.

“Do you want to be my girlfriend?” she asked again.

I couldn’t help it. I laughed.

“Great. Now I’m delusional and happily dreaming.” I was practically cackling now. When I looked at Senna again I could see that she was embarrassed and slightly hurt.

“I’m not dreaming, am I?” I asked rhetorically. She shook her head slightly and looked down.

I lifted her head up to meet my mine.

Swallowing hard I licked my lips and drew closer to her. I looked into her eyes to check that she was sure this was what she wanted before closing my eyes and kissing her gently. It was a closed mouth kiss, but then again I didn’t exactly have experience in this department but her lips were soft against mine and I couldn’t help but blush.

I pulled back and look at her again, trying to see if she regretted it. She gave me a small smile.

“Does this mean you want to be my girl?” she asked goofily. I just laughed and nodded.

Her response was to kiss me again and I was lost in the sweet taste that was uniquely her and no one else.

There all done...what a crappy ending though...and it took me forever to find the right rhythm so I'm sorry for the beginning too