Troublesome

It's been ages since I last updated or wrote anything. I've written drabbles of stuff that I tend to either delete, or if I've written them in an msn window, they're just gone. Tonight though...it feels like there's something fundamentally wrong. I'm not really sure what it is but I figure that it should sort itself out.

In the last year, I haven't really had any serious thoughts about scratching, and in all honesty there isn't a strong compulsion to do so now. However, I can't ignore the fact that there is a lingering desire to brand 'Inconsequential Failure' into my arm and I'm not sure where that need comes from.

I'm supposed to be sleeping actually. Given that it's currently 4 am and I'll probably need to wake up in 6 hours or so, it would probably be smart for me to sleep, especially since I believe I'm still sick. Sick in the coughing sense, not the mental kind, though admittedly, given my current compulsion, it would appear that I probably do have some kind of mental problem.

Ooh, but there are now ads and the like revolving around 'beyond blue' or something like that. I believe they're supposed to help with depression, but at the same time, I'm hesitant to actually brand myself as depressed. There are a lot more people out there with actual serious symptoms of depression and it feels like I'm playing at depression more than I'm actually depressed.

Plus, I'm not sure I'm depressed so much as I'm just lonely. It's not really a recent thing in that respect, though it has gotten stronger lately. Not that I'm sure why it has.

I think I've updated this blog enough. Maybe I'll write up something in the next couple of weeks or something, not that anyone actually checks this blog. I'm feeling like I want to write. Nothing serious mind, just...write.

Until the next time I feel an overwhelming need to share my personal thoughts to a public arena that will ignore this anyway. Consider me forgotten.