The Joys of Making Up (Part 3)

final part then...

Title: The Joys of Making Up (Part 3)

Rating: R (it could probably be passed off as PG-13)

Summary: Someone leaves, another one leaves, and then they meet again (though not where most people meet) I supposed you could call it a continuation of Del/Senna. Goldie also told me that I wasn’t allowed to kill Del, so it’s going to have a happier ending.

Feedback: it’s not like most people give it anyway, but if you can be bothered thank you ever so much…

Warnings: it’s FemSlash (f/f) so if you don’t like those pairings, don’t read it.

“Senna, wait! Please!” I yelled. She just kept running and we headed into the woods that were near the town. I normally went here when I needed time to think or just time to relax. I knew them like the back of my hand. I knew that the ground was covered in brown leaves that were almost close to black. I knew that there were rocks around the path that were covered in moss that was so green and soft that I sometimes wondered if maybe it was how carpet was first decided upon.

I also knew that past that rock there was a huge tree that could have three people hugging it just to surround it. And I knew that the track that she was currently running on ended at the river and that the river was somewhat deep and extremely cold.

As she ignored my calls again, I could hear the sound of water running and knew that we were close. I didn’t want her to fall in, but I knew that if she did, I wouldn’t even hesitate to jump in after her.

“Senna, wait! I beg you! Just hear me out!” I yelled. My voice was dying. I could feel it slipping away and I briefly wondered how I was going to talk to her if I couldn’t talk at all.

“Stop! It’s a river!” I screamed. Finally stopping in front of me she turned around and by the moonlight I could see that she had been crying badly.

“Senna…”

“What?” she interrupted. Her tone was harsh and I winced without meaning to. She seemed to hesitate then but seemed to decide I wasn’t worth opening up to and forgiving.

“Hilary’s an ex,” I said.

“So it’s Hilary now?” she asked bitterly.

“Baby…”

“I told you! You have no right to call me that,” she interrupted again. My heart was tearing in half but I nodded and swallowed my pain. I just needed her to understand the situation; she could make her own decisions.

“We went out for a while but I couldn’t get over you, she was my first mistake,” I said.

“First? Does that mean there are others?”

“Just one other and we’re still friends,” I said.

“Just friends or fuck buddies?” she asked harshly.

“Senna…”

“Is this what was on your mind this morning? You know what…I can’t do this right now… I just need some time. I’m just going to get my stuff and move into the hotel,” she said. Her voice trailed away into a whisper.

“Don’t,” I said. She looked at me questioningly and for a moment I could have sworn I saw her heart breaking.

“Just stay at my place, Hilary sort of owns the hotel. I won’t go home tonight, just please, please don’t leave the house, I don’t want you to get hurt,” I explained.

“I think it’s a little too late for that,” she said wryly but nodded her acquiesce and took my keys.

“Can you take me back? I’m not all that certain where we are,” she said. I nodded and we walked back in silence. I tried not to look at her, knowing that I didn’t have the right to, not unless she let me.

As we entered the house she turned to me and spoke, “I’m sorry about tonight. I just…need some time to figure this all out. I don’t know if I can do this. Not again.”

“I just need to go get some stuff. It doesn’t matter where I go, just…call me if you need me, I’ll have my phone with me,” I said.

“What’s your number?”

“I never changed it,” I replied, “I thought that if you ever tried to call, that you’d be able to.”

She looked away from me and I went into the bedroom and packed an overnight bag. I figured I might as well go to Amber’s place. I sighed. Amber was my best friend here; she was also my other ex. Figuring that there was no other place I could stay anyway I called Amber and arranged for me to stay there for a few days.

I didn’t even see her on the way out and I held in all my pain and all the tears as I walked to my ex girlfriend’s house. Albeit the friendlier one. The moment Amber opened the door, I burst into tears and she just held me as I cried until there was nothing else to cry about. Amber had deserved so much better than me. I wasn’t even in the relationship and she was so caring that I knew that she needed someone whose heart would belong to her alone.

“What happened?” she asked gently. We had moved into her living room and I was curled into her side. There was silence for a while but Amber just waited until I had found the right way to begin before I started telling her about the last few days. She was silent as I went over everything, minus the more intimate details.

She finally just told me to go up and sleep because she was going to paint tonight. I nodded and went upstairs, going through the nightly rituals before falling asleep with Senna still on my mind.

A hand was running through my hair and I figured I was still sleeping. The faint scent of Senna hung in the air and though I was tempted to check, I was afraid that opening my eyes would make it disappear.

“Morning,” whispered the Senna into my ear.

I kept my eyes closed and committed it to memory. As far as I was concerned, she didn’t even want to be anywhere near me ever again, and I was liable to agree with her.

“Del…” she whispered again. I bit my lip and hoped that she’d stop doing that. To be honest it was turning me on.

“Please baby? Open your eyes?” she begged. I considered ignoring her, but my entire being was rebelling against that thought and so I opened my eyes.

I lost myself in her eyes. I forgot everything, the fight, where I was, I even forgot to breathe for a moment. Then reality came crashing into my life again and I wondered if I’d taken this a step too far.

“D-did you n-need s-s-s-something?” I asked. I was so nervous and so afraid that I was stuttering. She frowned and I wonder if I said something wrong again. I hadn’t felt this self conscious in years; I thought I had gotten over it by now.

“Del…sweetie…” she trailed off and I looked at her questioningly. If she was here to break it off officially she wouldn’t touch me…right?

I closed my eyes again and started muttering to myself and repeating dream out loud over and over. She hadn’t called me sweetie in years. There was no way she would start now, no matter what had happened to bring her here. It didn’t matter how much I wanted it to happen, this was definitely a dream. It’s the only logical explanation.

There was the sound of her getting up and the door opening and closing. I couldn’t help the tear that came out. Even in my dreams she didn’t want to stay.

The next thing I felt were lips on my cheek, brushing away the tear and its consequent trail. Those lips gently followed the trail back to my eye before kissing that lightly. The entire time that she moved I felt like my heart had stopped beating.

“Sweetie, we need to talk,” she said.

I held my breath and nodded slightly. She sighed and somehow I knew that she was frowning.

“I’m sorry for doubting you,” she started, “It’s just that I never dated. I felt like I was cheating every time I even looked at another woman. Is it stupid of me to think I’m cheating when I’m technically not even yours anymore?”

She laughed at herself and I had to open my eyes. I didn’t want to see her hurting but I knew that if she was I had to stop it.

“Baby…” I started, then flinched when I realised what I’d said.

“Let me finish?” she asked. Her voice was small and I wanted to run to her and hold her, just hold her in my arms, but I waited in silence for her to continue.

“The thing is, when they told me I was accepted, I had seriously thought it’d never happen to me. I had been so surprised that I really didn’t know how to react. Then you told me to go and I just thought maybe you’d grown tired of me and wanted the excuse. You stopped telling me you loved me everyday…I didn’t know what to think.”

Her voice broke off and I couldn’t hold back any longer. I just got out of bed and walked the one step towards her and held her. She clutched onto me as if there was no tomorrow. We stood there and I did my best to convey how much I loved her just through my touch. After a while she continued speaking albeit into my neck.

“You never tried to call, and I had tried calling you so many times, but I just couldn’t do it. The job wasn’t as great as it seemed. Every single time I went over something, I’d think of you and lose concentration. I couldn’t walk into that building without thinking of you at least once, so I gave up and quit. When I came back here, Marie and Erica said you’d already gone…so I figured you’d moved on and I tried to move on…but I didn’t get very far. I’ve changed about fifty jobs trying to find one that didn’t remind me of you every few seconds and then I find one that seems alright, and the second thing I need to do brings me right back into your arms.”

She laughed at herself but it turned into a gentle sobbing.

“Baby,” I sighed. She didn’t do anything to acknowledge that she’d heard me but somehow I just knew she had.

“I love you. I always have loved you. I’m sorry if I didn’t tell you enough, because I thought you knew and I felt that love with every single breath I took in every day that I was with you,” I said. She clutched at me tighter and I kissed the top of her head.

“I love you” she said into my neck. I laughed. She looked at me, partly confused and partly hurt.

“My neck appreciates it,” I said jokingly.

She smiled and kissed me. In between kisses she managed to say, “I love you.”

She rested her head on my shoulder and we just held each other, revelling in the feeling of just being close together again.

“We still have a lot to talk through,” I said. She nodded in response.

“Are you going to try?” I asked lightly. She looked into my eyes.

“Sweetie, I would do a whole lot more than try,” she replied. I felt relieved that she saw through my façade if not a little nervous. I had so many secrets, so many insecurities, but maybe we could work it through together.

There was hope then, there was always hope.