Crushes

I'm taking a slightly different approach to it all...or plan to. I'm aiming to make this into a series of stories about the same group of people/in the same world. 

This one's a bit awkward in my opinion...but it definitely introduces you to some of the main characters I'll be using from here on out. I should probably entitle it properly too...

Words: Fedora and Tutu
Date: Feb 2017

She was perfect.

She was amazing.

She was off limits.

It’s not fair that in a world full of hate and fear that the one thing that would make him happy was off limits, but that’s just the way the world works.

He had met Ariana when they were five. She was in a tutu and he was in his Han Solo costume and they had passed each other while trick-or-treating. He doesn’t even know what drew him to her to begin with, but he couldn’t get her face out of his head.

He saw her again at school the next day and it had been as though the world suddenly snapped into place. He must have passed her millions of times over the school year and just hadn’t registered her until after Halloween. In his defence, there were a lot of students in his class, but after seeing her that one time, he couldn’t stop seeing her.

They had become friends, and his attraction to her didn’t really become something tangible (or nameable) until they were significantly older. He first registered it when she kissed their mutual best friend, James, in the back of the library.

It was when he identified the feeling as jealousy that he finally realised that maybe he was in love with her.

But then James and Ariana had started dating and he was too much of a friend to ever consider compromising that. Her happiness was more important. Their happiness was important.

The day they broke up had been his best and worst day. Best because he suddenly felt like he might have a chance, and worst because their trio had somehow been destroyed in his eyes. Then propriety said that he couldn’t date her for a while, not until the pain had faded in both of his best friend’s eyes.

By the time they managed to all hang out together without any awkwardness school had finished and they’d all gone their separate ways in university. All of them studying different things. They’d been good at the start, managing to keep in contact and see each other every other week, but then studying and life got in the way.

                                                                          

Maybe it was for the best though. Time dulled his feelings enough that he could stop thinking of her and feeling the loss of what they’d never had. He never really bothered to look for anyone else though, preferring his solitude more often than not.

So it was more than a surprise when he’d walked out of a class to see her leaning against the wall outside the lecture theatre. He almost didn’t recognise her, she was dressed in corporate wear you’d expect to see on a business woman going to a conference, not a university student. She exuded a confidence that was a far cry from the little girl in a tutu.

“What brings you here?” he asked, sliding in next to her. He left a respectful inch between their bodies – ever the gentleman.

“Alec?” she’d said, looking surprised.

He tried not to let her surprise bring him down but his heart definitely felt a jab. She hadn’t been here to see him then. Hadn’t even known he was here if her reaction was anything to go by.

“Ariana,” a girl in his class called out. He’d noticed her before of course. Not many female engineers in their course. She wore a fedora dipped on her head to make her look mysterious enough to have people second glancing as they passed her by. He hadn’t been as enraptured by her though, she was nothing compared to Ariana.

Ariana’s beaming smile when she saw the other girl was enough to let him know that this was who she’d come to see though.

“Mel,” she greeted. “Alec, this is Mel, my girlfriend. Mel, this is Alec, one of my best friends since primary school.”

Alec and Mel exchanged pleasantries. There was a look in Mel’s eye which definitely felt like pity, but he refused to acknowledge it.

He was bigger than this.

He had to be bigger than this.

“If you ladies will excuse me,” he said. Tipping his head slightly as stylishly as he could, all the while feeling like maybe he’d been left behind long ago and just didn’t realise it.

“We should catch up Alec,” Ariana called out. He nodded noncommittally and hoped that he came across as suave instead of wounded.

He managed to hold everything in until he got back to his apartment. The apartment he shared with James’ sister, Dani, because she was somehow at the same university as him while James was off in another country “doing his thing”.

His first sob sounded like a wounded animal. The second and third just reconfirmed it. He hadn’t even managed to get past the entry hall. He leaned back against the front door and let his feelings overwhelm him.

One more minute.

One more minute and then he’d let this go and be the bigger man. He just needed one more minute to let the pain he’d been carrying with him go. Ariana had never even considered him as a possibility.

“Alec?”

Alec opened his eyes. He hadn’t even realised he’d closed them. James’ sister stood an arm’s length away, looking like she had no idea what to do. James’ sister had definitely taken all the better genes from their parents. He’d always noted, somewhat offhandedly, that she was a very beautiful woman. He’d also quickly dismissed all notions of ever making it into anything more than just a passing comment. For one, James would kill him. For two, he’d always somehow held some kind of hope that he’d get with Ariana.

“Alec, what happened” she asked.

Had he not responded? He’d meant to. He tried opening his mouth to, but all that came out was another sob.

He snapped his mouth shut and tried to keep the next one in. His eyes closing as he concentrated on controlling his body.

Arms wrapped around him just as he took a deep breath and he could almost taste the cinnamon that she had in her perfume. Or was that her natural smell?

He breathed deeper. Her scent, or maybe her arms, calming him down faster than his useless attempts to control himself. He was down to sniffling when she spoke next.

“What happened?” she whispered. It was as though she was terrified that he’d break down again if she asked him any louder.

“The end of a childhood crush,” he’d replied. He had been aiming for strong but his voice sounded hoarse and a little broken.

She nodded and stroked his back. He could feel himself calming down faster than any hugs from Ariana ever calmed him. Which was when he’d had his epiphany.

Dani was perfect.

All the little things she always did for him, like make sure his cereal was well stocked because he threw tantrums whenever they ran out. She watched stupid television shows with him so that they could gripe about it together. And to make matters worse, she was absolutely stunning.

Dani was amazing.

She would make sure there was enough food in the fridge, ready for him to eat, whenever exams rolled around. She would make sure that the coffee was on in the morning before he woke up because he wasn’t all that functional without it. And somehow, she always knew when he was in a bad mood or had a shit day, tossing him the remote so that he could pick out something to watch while she grabbed junk food.

Dani was off limits.

Because let’s face it. She was still James’ little sister. And Alec, ever the gentleman, had promised James that he’d protect her from any douches who would try and date her.

He’d done a pretty good job of that too, most boys didn’t last the second date. He’d perfected his glare to the point where the last boy had practically run away after Dani had opened the door to their first date. She’d turned around to face him and she’d shrugged with a look of pure innocence and confusion. He really didn’t have any idea why he’d run away like that.

It was a shame though, she’d looked absolutely stunning in the dress she’d chosen for the date. Could anyone really blame him if he’d suggested that since she was already dressed for a night out that they grab something to eat together since he was hungry anyway?

Though…does that mean they were dating already?

He tried to think back on the last week. They’d spent most of it together, either on the couch or out for dinner (classes notwithstanding). Then he tried to think back further, when had they stopped hiding out in their rooms and instead had been hanging out with each other instead?

It’d had to be months. He’d been dating her for months and he didn’t even realise. Or practically dating anyway, it’s not like they’d kissed before.

James was going to kill him.

He pulled back abruptly and only managed to pull her on top of him as he crashed to the floor, his head banging against the door.

“Alec?” she asked. Looking way more concerned that he’d bumped his head than acknowledging their potentially dating status.

“I umm…” he trailed off. What was he meant to even say? Sorry, but I just realised we’d practically been dating and wasn’t sure if letting you hug me was a good idea?

“Alec, she’s a fool if she didn’t let you in,” Dani said. He blinked at her. Who were they talking about? He was in the middle of processing his revelation!

“Time to go,” he said.

Before she could even really react, he’d rolled her off him and ran to his room, slamming it closed as he hyperventilated.

And for the first time in years, he put his hand on a small tattoo he had on the inside of his wrist.

Running away may not have been the solution, but it was seriously starting to feel like a solution. He picked up his phone and was calling James before he could second guess what he was doing.

“What’s up Alec?” he asked.

“Any chance you could do with a second person on your mission?”

“I thought you’d quit the business.”

“I’ve reconsidered.”

Alec was tossing clothes into a small duffel as James gave him instructions on where to go and how to join the mission. A full debrief could wait until he got on the plane.

“Seriously though, is everything okay?” James finally asked.

“Just need a few days to work something out,” Alec replied. He zipped up his duffel and stared at his bedroom door.

“Are you running away from something?” James asked.

“Not really, more like I had an epiphany and need some time to process it,” Alec replied.

“Alright then, see you tomorrow morning then. I’ll get everything arranged,” James said.

“Until tomorrow,” Alec promised. He hung up quickly and then hesitated. Was he meant to say bye to his kind of girlfriend?

Deciding that he was emotionally too stunted to handle this right now, he turned to his bedroom window and climbed out. Climbing down the side of a five storey building to avoid the awkwardness of talking to the girl who you’re potentially dating was probably a little drastic, but he’d climbed out windows for worse reasons in his life.